She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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