If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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