I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize