threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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