i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize