love makes seman taste better
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
