Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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