ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize