so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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