actually, I'm a sock model
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I died a long time ago.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
