Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
