I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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