I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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