I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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