the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
