I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
