Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she told me i tasted like america
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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