Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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