belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
