Got a toothbrush?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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