Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
