I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
