no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
