Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
