lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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