Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
