and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
