I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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