If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
