and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
