i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
