never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize