I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
