i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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