dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
