Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
