I cockslap morals
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
