Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
