The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
