If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
