i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
