The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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