it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Quick, to the slutcave!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
