I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to make out with him forever
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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