his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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