Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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