Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
