i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
