Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
