Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
