Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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