That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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