Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
