i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
