the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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