It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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