put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
