You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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