You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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