Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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