I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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