you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
