theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
