...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
