I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
