didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
