So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
