we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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