I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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