Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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