He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
