I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize